


Words and Actions

by Kizmet



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Celestial's A+ Communication, Dr. Linda doesn't get paid enough, Emotional Constipation, Episode: s05e08 Spoiler Alert (Lucifer TV), F/M, Post-S5a, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28491054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kizmet/pseuds/Kizmet
Summary: Chloe needs to hear the words.  Lucifer can't imagine why, in his world words are worthless, but he hates not being able to give her anything she desires.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Words and Actions

**Author's Note:**

> On one hand Chloe’s need to hear Lucifer say “I love you” is an interesting inverse of S4’s “Expire Erect” where Lucifer needed actions not words to get past Chloe conspiring with Kinley. On the other Chloe making an ultimatum of Lucifer saying “I love you” doesn’t really sit right, especially coming on top of her saying it to make leaving as hard as possible for Lucifer in “Who’s da New King of Hell” but then my background includes a gaslighter who weaponized "I love you."

“Dr. Linda,” Lucifer announced, letting himself into the side room Linda had converted to an office after resuming her practice.

“Lucifer!” Linda shrieked. “Where have you been? Chloe’s been worried sick! I had to attend a family dinner with your Father- And Michael! _Michael!_ With no support except for Amenadiel!”

“I suppose I do owe you an apology for that,” Lucifer allowed. “Although, to be fair, I didn’t believe I was invited.”

“How could you not be invited?” Linda protested. “Your Father ordered all of us to a ‘family’ dinner, you were right there. I was included, whether or not I wanted to be. I had to make civilized small talk with the asshole who hurt my baby!”

“I did say that I regretted that you were roped into that,” Lucifer groused. “As to the rest? _He_ shows up saying how He hates it when His children fight for a bit of fisticuffs between Amenadiel and Michael. Where was He every time Amenadiel chucked me into Hell? Where was He when Uriel was threatening to murder both the Detective and Mum? -Perhaps that second one says more about His feelings for Uriel than me but the first point still stands: For someone who hates when His children fight He’s been more than happy to stand by for eons while His children attacked me. Quite clearly He doesn’t look at me as one of His children. No skin off my nose. In truth, it’s… Well, it seems that there is ONE thing He and I agree on: I’m not ‘of God’. Not any longer.” Lucifer pasted an unconvincing smile on his face. “I am sorry for all the… Celestial nonsense I’ve brought into your life… particularly _Michael_.”

Linda shrugged, collecting herself. “When we were trying to come up with baby names I suggested Michael as a compromise between Amenadiel’s wish for an angel name and me wanting a normal name, you should have seen his expression.... Now that I’ve met the manipulative son of a bitch I more than share the sentiment. But where have you _been_ for the last thirty-six hours?”

Lucifer plopped down on the nearest couch. “The detective has finally chosen to share her desire with me and- And I find myself having a- A small spot of difficulty fulfilling it. I need your help Doctor, I want nothing more than to give Chloe anything she wants and yet- Well, to be frank, when the time came, I choked.”

“ _That’s_ where you’ve been!” Linda exclaimed. “Thirty-six hours sulking, while we were all out of our minds with worry, because you couldn’t…”

“She wants me to say that I love her,” Lucifer sighed heavily.

Linda bit her tongue to hold back her initial response. After a moment she asked, “Is this a problem because you… don’t lie?”

Lucifer’s eyes flashed red for a heartbeat and Linda jumped. “NO!” he exclaimed forcefully.

“Okay, okay,” Linda soothed. “If that’s not it, then what are you hanging up on?”

“Doctor, if I knew that I wouldn’t require your services,” Lucifer replied crossly.

“That’s not how this works, Lucifer. You know that,” Linda reminded. “I can’t give you answers. I can’t know what is going on inside you. But I can help you find the tools and words to understand yourself.” Linda’s mouth fell open, “Oh, words!” she exclaimed. “Lucifer, do you know what Chloe means when she says she loves you?”

Lucifer grimaced, “Yes, Doctor, I am aware of the definition of ‘love’. We’re well past ludus, possibly even eros- Although I quite enjoy both of those. There has been an unexpectedly rewarding amount of philia between us… I understand that Chloe is requesting pragma, because she finds no fulfillment in passion without commitment-”

“Okay,” Linda broke in. “Intellectually, you understand the definition of love. You probably understand the precise definition of every word humanity has EVER used to classify it- But do you know when you feel it?”

“So either I won’t say it because I don’t love her because I don’t know that I love her? Is that what you all think?” Lucifer demanded angrily.

“Then why won’t you say that you love Chloe?” Linda cut him off sternly. “If it’s true, if it’s what you feel, then why can’t you say it?” she challenged.

“I don’t know!” Lucifer exclaimed. “The detective asked me- I want her to be happy, more than anything. And she asked me to say it. So why do the words stick in my throat? Why?!”

Linda took a moment to consider. “Do you remember the last time you told someone that you loved them?” she asked.

“I avoid one night stands who desire that lie,” Lucifer said. “My demons or their mother would have been appalled at the very thought. So I suppose it must have been one of my parents or a sibling- It wouldn’t have been a memorable occasion: ‘Love you, cheerio.’ No big deal. -I was cast out before Dad’s _‘My God is a jealous God’_ phase. Missed the whole thing where He demanded that His followers deny Mum’s very existence. I suppose my siblings might have gained a complex about declaring their love for anyone but Dad- You’ll have to ask Amenadiel. Of course that was entirely different, purely familial. I assure you, my little hang-up has nothing to do with that bit of Celestial Drama.”

“Nothing at all? You’re certain?” Linda pushed.

“Dad’s term was ‘favorite’ not ‘beloved’. I was his favorite so I shouldn’t mind being asked to do His dirty work. When I refused, my siblings hated me for being so ungrateful and for thinking to take advantage of my _favored_ status,” Lucifer sneered. “When Amenadiel was on the verge of betraying Dad for Mum, miracle of miracles, he finds that he is the favored son and his loyalty was restored. Dad loved us all but He’s always had His favorites, particularly when He required one of us for something. And I know better than anyone how quickly and how thoroughly His favor could be withdrawn. But He never threatened me with the removal of His love. He just did it. So obviously my hang up about saying it has nothing to do with Him.”

“All right,” Linda said carefully, in place of any comments about protesting too much. She considered other angles for a moment then asked, “How do you feel when Chloe says that she loves you?”

“As if she’s about to drag me to another soup kitchen,” Lucifer replied immediately.

Linda’s jaw dropped.

“To be fair, the Detective didn’t actually say _‘I love you’_ before dragging me off to prove to herself that I wasn’t the child-eating monster Kinley depicted me as,” Lucifer continued. “She only implied that we were okay and that she might be interested in dating to get me to lower my guard. She didn’t tell me that she loved me until she wanted to prevent me from returning to Hell- I couldn’t give her what she wanted then, I couldn’t. I had to think about her safety, and Charlie’s, all of you really. We didn’t know then that Dad would pull a literal ex deus machina if _Amenadiel_ volunteered to take Hell off my hands for a few days. Chloe told me that she loved me and I could not give her what she wanted in return.”

Linda straightened in her chair as metaphorical alarm bells started to ring. “You don’t believe that Chloe loves you? You think she only says it to- to manipulate you?”

“Of course I believe it!” Lucifer exclaimed. “She tried to shield me with her body. She forced herself to overcome her natural revulsion of my Devil-form to help me deal with my self-hatred. Chloe said that she loved me in an attempt to manipulate me into _staying_ with her, of all things. And I wanted nothing more than to do as she asked! If I’d known then that all we had to do to get Dad to fix everything was for Amenadiel to volunteer to take a shift… But I didn’t, I didn’t know. And now I can’t even do this- this frankly ridiculous little thing for her either.”

“Telling someone you love them isn’t such a small thing,” Linda interjected. “Especially not if you mean it.”

“I am aware of the near mythical powers you humans attribute to those words,” Lucifer ranted. “And yet! There are whole wings of Hell full of loops where ‘I love you’ echoes endlessly. ‘I love you!’, ‘I love you!’, I love you!’ It’s more annoying than the loops where _‘It’s a Small World After All’_ plays continuously! They declare it emphatically to their lovers and children before betraying or brutalizing them. Then they sob that same refrain between apologies, too often delivered to a cooling corpse. The Detective knows how meaningless it is- So many of the murderers we catch claim to have loved their victims. Why does she assign so much importance to such cheap and abused words?”

Linda smiled gently. “Maybe they mean so much to Chloe because she knows that your word is good. She trusts _you_ to mean it, in the best way, if you say it.”

Lucifer’s eyes widened, “Oh,” he breathed. “Thank you doctor, somehow my throat doesn’t feel so tight now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ludus- playful love, flirtation  
> Eros- romantic, passionate love  
> Philia- affectionate love, friendship  
> Pragma- enduring, committed love


End file.
